saturday 9/19

Dear G, 

I guess you might be wondering what's up with the doors huh? They're symbolic of  a new way of thinking for me, a new way of doing and a new way to for me to get closer to you. Thanks for giving me the chance to express my feelings through these words and images. None of the images are pictures I've taken (yet) and I believe that the original artists would allow me to use them for my growth and expression of faith. Thank you too for the chance to help Rob with his move today. I feel good knowing that I can commit to helping someone and then follow through. I was always more interested in meeting my own needs... its such a change from the way I use to be. I'm trying to improve some of my others behaviors too so that I can be more loving toward my friends and and to give them the support they want from me. I really want to be able to be the kind of friend that people can count on when they need a friend to be there for them.
I talked to Frank today and it sounds like he is having such a great time in Palm Springs. I like this man and I know you know I have some fear about how to pursue a relationship. I trust you and I am trying hard to stay in the moment instead of thinking about what might be or trying to figure out what he may want from our friendship or if he wants something more than something casual. I'm giving it over to you...and yes I know that I take it back and then give it back to you again!! :) I'm trying though... thank you for being patient with me and helping me learn that you know what's best. I just want to be me, not some made-up guy that I think others might like.

I bought a new composition book today to record thought and stuff that come to me. I might write to you in there too but will continue to record as much as I can here. I don't why I am or what purpose you may have for me recording them here too...it just feels like something you want me to do and so I continue.

Thanks for loving me so much!

Give my love to my dad, I wonder if he keeps an eye on me? I think he does. Its weird huh that he came to be with you when he was just a little older than me...seems like so long ago. I dunno why I was just thinking about that?

Well I'm off for now. Have a good night :@) Oh, will you keep an eye on T and E tonight? I hope they're safe.

Love

M