Dear G,
Thank you for seeing me into a new year! I wonder sometimes how long I could go if I thought you weren't there. I've been floundering over the past few months. I guess you know that! And, I've got to the point that I feel like shit. I need your help...I don't want to feel this way and I know what I need to do to stop feeling so icky but I can't seem to find the strength to change. For a bit it was because I was busy trying to help my mom. But now I realize that I have lost my connection with you. I lost my peace of mind and I almost feel that I'm in the midst of a dry drunk. Ya know what I mean...isolating, missing meetings and not writing to you regularly. But it's a new year and I want that serenity back! I want to feel that connection again. I know that you have been patiently waiting for me to take some action. I got up this morning and was planning to go to the 10 am meeting but I slept late and missed it, well, I guess I coulda just got dressed and got there on time but I wanted to take a shower and ya know I think I had some fear! Maybe I was afraid that people would say.."where ya been?" afraid that someone would judge me on my lack of attendance at meeting or say some sarcastic comment. I know that my fear are all my addict self trying to keep me away and that it goes back to low self-esteem, self acceptance...self, self, self. I get it! My trouble stasts when I get caught in ME! Please help me...I don't believe that I'm going to use today but I also know that if I don't put the tools into my routine that I will continue to feel this way! I'm at a loss.
I'm going to do what I know you want me to do..to reconnect, to stop feeling sorry for myself and refocus my energy on my sobriety.
x
Monty
1 year ago
