Dear G,
I've been dealing with family issues over the last month and it seems I haven't found anytime to write...I've missed that! I'm grateful that some how through all this I've stayed clean! Thank you for the opportunity to learn what I've had the chance to learn. Since my mom was in the accident back in October..is it that long ago??...I've been through alot of growth. I was real happy for her when she got to go back home in November...but then she got bad again and that's when it got tough. It was hard for me to find out that my own brother had been stealing from her while she was in the hospital the second time! And then I understood what you wanted me to learn! I'm not sure when it happened..but during one of my visits to her I realized that he was not any different from me when I was using. I did some things I was pretty ashamed for, lying, manipulating it wasn't so much different then his stealing. Sure, I may have "asked" her for money..but I know that the reasons I was asking for money were all lies..not much different really..except maybe I was more clever than he is now...ya sure!!! I'm grateful that I've finally got to apologize for all the deception, grateful too that I have been given the chance to make right so many of my wrongs. I'm grateful too that I get the chance to carry the message to my brother.
He's sick ya know and it must be almost impossible for him to hear me...through all the shame, guilt and resentment. I would have had the same problem hearing!! I know you know how long of a drive it is to visit her. I have alot of time during those drives...thank you for helping me to stay focused on what I'm doing, where I'm going and the reason for my trips. I guess I've grown up over the last 3 years. I don't resent having to drive 500 miles even if it's only for the day! I'm lucky I hav a car that gets me there and back. And, itunes! Lol...what would I do without the music or more importantly the hours of speakers I get to hear!!! Ya know what is the funniest thing? Managing mom's money! I mean, was that your idea of a joke or what? Somehow I've done it though. Paid her bills, called the mortgage company, utilities, bank...just like an adult! Haha!
She's coming home this weekend to her house. I'm picking her up from the physical rehab center on Saturday morning and taking her home...she seems happy to know that I'm driving down to get her. I have some fear about whether my brother will help her during the week..but I'll go back down for Christmas weekend. All I know is that I have no control over what happens...that's all up to you! I do know that at any given second I can be the son I'm suppose to be. At any second I can be the brother I'm suppose to be. And I know that I don't have to use or drink to get through it.
If you can, will you send my brother some extra love. If it's your will could you please help him to hear. Please also watch over my friends and the folks I work with over the next couple of weeks. The holidays are harder for some than others. Say hi to the angels and Jesus.
love M
1 year ago
