after the roundup

Dear G,
I had the most beautiful weekend. The glbt recovery community hosted our annual round-up which officially ended today. It was an amazing event for so many people and there was a lot of opportunity for growth and reflection. There were speakers and workshops and meetings and entertainment and meals...so much to do in so few days. I met a lot of new men and women and the cool thing was that the attendance doubled from last year.
There was a woman speaker (truly all the speakers were awesome) who was incredible and you could just tell she loved you so much. She opened up her life to us and shared where she was in her life. I've learned that almost everything comes from someone else..ya know like quotes and inspirational sayings...but this woman said some things I hadn't heard before. She said when she was doing her 4th step she called her sponsor to say she was ready to do step 5 and her sponsor said  "did you do the first part?" and hung up!  This happened several times before she finally went to her sponsors house and asked her whats did she mean ..the first part??? She was reminded that step 5 says, Admitted to God, ourselves and another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. And...wow...I never admitted it to you or myself!
I lead a meeting on acceptance and I read from a Men's Meditation book about acceptance. I talked about accepting not only life on life's terms but, for me, the notion of accepting myself and, even bigger, the notion that I am accepted by others!! It's not as hard to accept things with which I haven't played a specific role; like 9/11 or a freeway accident. But it's a lot more challenging to accept something in which I was involved; like a failed job or relationship. I think the latter are those times when you want me to focus on accepting more than the former. It requires me to believe that you love me and that I am here to do your will. And it helps me to remember to keep my ego in check...to remember that it is NOT about me, but what I can do to help others. Thanks for all the gifts you gave me and to others this weekend. Thanks for helping me reach out to others and offer what I can to help them!
I'm wondering what it is you want me to do? Do you want me to teach? And I'm wondering too how come I can't learn how to have a healthy romantic relationship??? Am I tying too hard?
Well, I guess that's all I got today. Let me know if there is something you need for me to do.

Love
M