tuesday 10/6

Dear G,
Thanks for such a rich day...lol...ok so it was kinda tough. But at the end of it I am pretty grateful for having the chance to learn something about myself and to let go of some anger...better even that I recognized it as anger. Specifically that I was angry because someone was not playing by my rules. Even now it makes me smile.

It's hard sometime growing up in my 50's, trying to put right and wrong into perspective. Trying to behave like an adult instead of a child. Making the right next move instead of pouting because I didn't get my way. I wonder why I wanted to wait so long? I wanted to ask why you let me wait so long, but I know that it was my decision, right? And I still have more choices...one of which is the choice to use again. Perhaps not a great choice but a choice nonetheless. I have the choice every day to wake up and be grateful for the things in my life; my family, my sobriety, my friends. I have the choice to help someone else or myself, the choice to embrace faith or fear, the choice to accept things as they are or wrestle to impose my will. You've given me lots of room for choice and the free will to exercise that choice! You given me lots of love when I didn't know you were there...when I was real lost and given up on you. That's very cool and though I wish I could show you all my appreciation now, I know, you're offering me as much time as I need...hopefully the rest of my life.

I guess you know that I've been struggling with what you want me to do to be of service. I don't think you want me to manage a tanning salon, though I do believe that you wanted me here for a reason...other than this awesome tan! :) So I'm wondering if you might be able to give me some clarity, some understanding as to what you might like me to do next? If someone asked me? I guess I would tell them to do the first right thing and the next right thing will come...

Thanks for the wonderful visit I had with Frank! He's a great guy! If it's your will :)
Thanks for helping Amanda over the last couple of days I'm sure it would have been super hard without you! If you could please help Boston Tommy I'm sure he needs you.
And if you could look in on my brother Jim that would be great!

Thanks for all the love today...and the chance to laugh! My love to my Dad too!
M