Gratitude List 10/24/10

Thank you for keeping me safe today. It's been one of those days that I am having a hard time remembering what to be grateful for...todays gratitude list;

1. my sobriety
2. you
3. my sponsee
4. my sponsor
5. my mom
6. my brothers
7. my friends
8. my health
9. the food in the house
10. my car
11. choices
12. my education
13. my senses
14. the skill to cook
15. books... especially the big blue one
16. a roof over my head
17. heat
18. people who need me
19. music
20. that I'm alive

damn it was hard to get out 20 things tonight. I'm sure there is soooo much more to be grateful for and I don't want you to think I'm selfish for not being able to come up with more right now but it's what I got. The little monty addict seems to be acting up tonight. And honestly I'm not sure why. Today the topic was relationships; how they've changed as a result of our changing...otherwise known as the promises...I think it is the tip of the iceberg. You know I haven't done much about making my finacial amends. Mostly cuz I'm selfish and want stuff for myself. This said "stuff" is most assuredly going to give me peace and serenity....right? ok kidding! I can get such a line going about how I NEED certain things. And I procrastinated today about doing any work on my 4th step: financial inventory the question of course is why? Bottom line..ladies and gentleman...fear. I'm flatly living in the outcome. Surely if I face this task I will end up in jail? Dead? Hated? Lol...I know...nope. None of these is a reasonable outcome...but then why, you ask, am I trying to determine the outcome? I'm thinking that what I want to do is wait until next paycheck and then start doing something about it!!!! Hmmmm...what do you think abou tthat approach? Cuz I can't start tomorrow...I don't where to start? What about starting with my inventory??? True that is another approach...one that is certain to point be toward the place to start...
Ok that's what I'll do then. and I'll do it right now. I'll start small...there are 15 questions, more or less...and I'll answer one a day until they're done!
Thank you for that suggestion. Good thing I have you around to help me up. And no surprise...I feel better just writing to you! I love you and trust you!
I told Sheila from the doctor's office that I would say something to you about her mom and her cousin Sheri. I guess they need a little extra loving and I think Sheila does too! Btw please give Richard all the courage and faith he may need to find serenity. Surround him with your love. Help him to find financial peace. Could you check in on my brother Jim too? He probably needs you alot more these days! Oh and maybe you could check in with Gigi and Amanda..I love them!
thank you for helping me stay clean today!
xo

Monty