saturday 10/3

It's a cool morning here. Thanks for the change of seasons! I'm going to head over to the gym in a few, thanks for my health and the opportunity to go to the gym. I wonder if I might need to quit my membership...finances being what they are I will consider it. But I am grateful that I can actually move and lift and strengthen. And I'm grateful that I have nourishment that I can sustain without being sick. I'm trying to spend as much time working on my insides as I do my outsides. I'm more aware that the outside isn't as important as the inside but I've spent my whole life trying to make the outside look good enough that someone would be attracted to me. What I'm learning is that the outside is worthless if the inside is weak. You know that exercising the inside is much harder to do! The payoff isn't as readily obvious either. Of course, you see the difference...but what about everyone else? I love the relationship that I'm developing with you and I feel the love and comfort more then ever before. But I get lonely for the touch of another man, the joy of being told by someone that I am loved. I'm grateful today that I have friends that I know love me and I try harder to appreciate that as being what I need today. Maybe if I was in the arms of another man who proclaimed his love I might understand something else. It could just be that I want it because I don't have it, right? To tell you the truth I might not have the patience to adapt to someones habits...to actually love someone the way I think I want to be loved. That's it isn't it?? The real question is am I willing to love someone the way I want to be loved. Real love is selfless isn't it? I guess I need to work on being less involved in self....haha...of course that's what I do everyday! Well I'll keep at it :)
If you could will you keep Frank safe during his travels here today? And if you could keep Louise, Warren's dog, comfortable...I know she will be dying and she has had a good life...thanks. Thanks for loving me so much! I'll do my best to stay close to you today...

Monty